(504) 408-2064
Divorce & Custody Coaching
TRADITIONAL DIVORCE AND CUSTODY CASES
Whether you decided to seek a divorce or you have been served, Divorce & Custody is one of the most difficult things you will ever experience in your life.
Divorce is the most traumatic life stressor next to death of a spouse!
You need a lawyer! Everyone is going to tell you to get a “good lawyer”, “a bulldog” so you can fight your child’s other parent to the death. But what is a good lawyer, and are you ready to go into battle?
You need tens of thousands of dollars.
I’m sure that’s as simple as pulling out your checkbook right now, yes?
You need to be emotionally stable. Everything you do will be highly scrutinized. Also, everything you don’t do for your children will be highly scrutinized. Confused yet?
You will need to be polished, confident, reasonable, and factual.
You will need to be without emotion. Don’t get angry or you’ll be ordered to take anger management classes or lose your children!
After several years of this you may be financially ruined, your kids may be a mess, you and the other parent may damage your co-parenting relationship forever BUT …. you’ll be divorced.
WHAT A COACH IS AND WHAT IT IS NOT
Not a lawyer, not a therapist, not a friend or family member
A coach empowers you to be in charge again!
Divorce is a very emotionally overwhelming time that requires legal knowledge, emotional intelligence, complicated logistics, new parenting techniques, corporate communication skills, and focus. This is hard to do when you are depressed or even a little sad and stressed out. It's hard to even know where to start.
A coach helps you to focus, set the direction, and get the results YOU want as you’re ready. The coach is there with you every step of the way to prepare for your next step. You will be the one to calls the shots; not your attorney, not your friends and family, and not your ex.
A coach supports your goals, breaks them down into manageable to-dos, and provides expertise from their own life experience.
A coach checks in on you to help keep you on the right track.
A coach is there to support and help you process all of the emotions surrounding this entire life transition.
A coach is not your friend or family member. Friends and family members love you and so they will tell you what THEY would do or what they think you SHOULD do. They have their place in your life. A friend or family member is there to give you a hug when you need one or to be a literal shoulder to cry on.
The problem with using friends to get through this is they are NOT YOU and so they can often leave you feeling even more confused. Each family is different and has different needs – so every divorce and custody arrangement must be too. There is no one-size-fits-all approach your friends and family can suggest, and what worked for them will likely not work for you.
A coach helps guide you to find what you believe is best for YOU and your family.
A coach is not a therapist. Therapists help you identify and heal from past pain. They have their place in your life. Identifying and healing from pain affecting your present can eventually make your present-day life SO much better. The problem is that it often takes a long time to heal these traumas. They didn’t happen in a day and they can’t be healed in a day.
A coach focuses on the feelings that are holding you back today and are keeping you from meeting your goals right now. The goal is to get through the divorce and custody transition quickly to limit new trauma for you and your kids. Coaches also help you to effectively help your children through the divorce process so everyone enjoys a more peaceful NOW as we work through the divorce.
A coach is not an attorney. Lawyers speaks “legalese” and know the procedures of the court. They certainly have their place. They know how to file motions, subpoena records, compel discovery, and how to speak to the judge respectfully. They are procedural advocates for the motion and conversations that go before the judge. The problem is that they are expensive.
They cannot continually apply pieces of your life to the relevance of your case. Not to mention every update that may be relevant to the case.
Using them to hold your hand as you emotionally prepare to make decisions along the way can get even MORE EXPENSIVE! Even if you have the money to use them as emotional support, this is not their expertise and they cannot help you rebuild your life during and afterward.
Every minute you use them for emotional counsel or teacher is a minute they are NOT working on your case.
A coach experienced in divorce and custody explains things to you until you understand! They help you find what is important to you, make decisions, and set the direction for your family and your case.
A coach's life experience and expertise, allows them to guide you through all of the options that are available to you in your state.
A coach will help you with a strategy once you’ve decided what it is you want for your life.
Most importantly, the coach will help you be in charge of your case so your attorney can work more effectively.
A Divorce & Custody coach helps you transition as quickly and as painlessly as possible.
NO ONE WANTS TO GO THROUGH THIS FOREVER…
It's hard to say how long all these steps will take in your case and in your state. The entire process can take from as little as a few months, to as long as several years. A coach will help you with different communication tactics and hacks to help with even the most difficult partners. The quickest way is through compromise and settlement.
The average legal process is one year with more difficult partners and custody issues extending it to six years! Is your soon-to-be-ex reasonable and workable?
Custody evaluations take about 6 months to complete and involve extensive research and interviews of your home, family, and friends.
Subpoenaed therapist notes can be picked apart for months to see if the child is at risk based on anything you’ve told mental health professionals.
Subpoenaed medical records must be turned over and are not protected by PHI (protected health information) where child custody may be impacted. These can be picked apart for months and continually subpoenaed for updates.
CPS cases almost always must be closed before a custody case can be settled. Each one of these (each time reported) takes an average of 45 days.
Money regenerates but your time with the kids does not.
HOW MUCH MONEY DO YOU WANT TO SPEND?
Business Insider reports that the average cost of a divorce in the US is $15,000 per person but there are many reasons why it could be much higher. More on that here: Average Cost of Divorce.
Custody evaluations cost between $1000 and $10,000 which is usually split pro rata between the parties but not always.
Mental health evaluations used in custody cases cost between $350 - $5000
Subpoenas, expert witnesses, and these evaluations are money outside of your billing statements and often are in addition to the retainer you’ve already paid!
The average US Family Court Attorney charges $250 per hour. Many attorneys bill rounding up.
Using this average and billing model a 14 minute phone call with your attorney will cost you $62.50 and a 16 minute phone call will cost you $125. Many people I’ve worked with call these “hidden fees” because attorney billing is often complex and confusing. Do you know how much money you have in trust?
Did you just ask yourself, “What the heck is that?”
Did you know that while $250 per hour is the average rate, most attorneys will charge you a different hourly rate when they have to go to the courthouse for you? I know I don’t need to tell you this but it’s MORE than your regular hourly rate.
Knowing all this, how much do you think you will accomplish with one retainer?!
Are you okay with spending 2-4 retainers?
A coach can help you when you have to represent yourself pro se or when you can only afford one retainer!
The bottom line: 3 in 5 adults reported to the APA that they could have used more emotional support in the last year.